Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Beauregard W. Trailer At Your Service, Ma'm.

I want to thank Miss Rosalie, lovely name, by the way, for inviting me here to visit with all of you on her blog. 

I didn't think anyone noticed the important role I played in L.J. Holmes' mini-book,

Forever With You coming out on February 1st from Muse Publishing, Inc.

That was right neighborly of you though, and ever since

Coryne, my former live-in moved into that cabin home over there, anything that can get me away from all the hammering and sawing is A-okay in my book.
  I am pleased that you, Miss Rosalie, saw beyond the obvious to what is really important.
I guess I should introduce myself and explain how it is you came to inviting me here.

My Name is Beauregard W. Trailer, and I am a...well the sales brochure says I'm small, but I prefer to think of myself as a MEDIUM sized camping trailer. Don't you agree?

I was not Coryne's first choice. She has this overpowering love of blue, but this baby was the only blue one the dealership had, and let's face it, I am a much more austere work of engineering then THAT sorry sack.

I thought everyone would be so blinded by Coryne, who I admit, is a knockout, and

Keith Patterson owner of Patterson Construction, whom I again, must admit is easy on the eyes, but without me there to give shelter to Coryne while the cabin's exterior went up, things would have been very different. Coryne might not have gotten nearly as hot and bothered had she not been able to stay here, on the site, observing the way Keith worked day after day.

I'd like to share some of my likes and dislikes before we get into the "heavy" stuff. I hope you don't mind, but it isn't often I get to wax about me.

As a trailer, I am particularly fond of my tow bar. When that thing gets hitched to a trailer jack, well, I just get moving. In fact, Dear Lady, that's how I got here.

Tell me something, and please be brutally honest...do I look wind-blown to you?

A trailer of my status has to keep up on appearances, you know. Can't slouch and become disheveled. Who would want to step into a less than immaculate trailer? Don't you just love the way my door opens
without so much as a tiny squeak? I'm well oiled...although that OTHER trailer thinks I'm well SPOILED! The NERVE!

But I am not really here to JUST talk about me, am I? No, I thought not. You want me to dish on Coryne and that builder Keith Patterson. I understand. Who better than me since I see everything!

I first arrived on the back of

Coryne's car after the last of the grading and tree felling was done. Couldn't very well arrive when there was still a risk an errant tree would see my elegance and try to crush the handsomeness right out of me. So I arrived when they'd finally finished clearing the build site.

Keith, of course, was already on the spot, quite ably, I thought, directing his workers with a skill that I found reassuring. Some construction sites I have heard can be quite dangerous.

There was one dude though by the name of Larry who tried several times to slip into the woods and take extra smoke breaks, but Keith caught on and gave Larry an ultimatum...work or walk! Larry chose "work" as did the rest of the all male crew.

And what is WITH that? Couldn't Patterson have hired at least ONE woman? I get this feeling, purely from my own observation mind you, that if a woman had been part of the crew, the guys would not have used swear words as much as they did. At least I think that would have been the case because not one foul word escaped any of their mouths when Coryne was around.

From my vantage point, here on the very edge of the build site, I got to watch this huge truck with a rotating belly come in, lower it's chute and pour concrete for what became Coryne's basement. SHE didn't get to see it, even though she was still living with me...actually inside me. Don't know what else she was doing; she had her checkbook out and was sitting at my tiny dining table doing some lawyer stuff. You DID know Coryne is a lawyer didn't you?

I'm not exactly sure what a lawyer is, but her visitors, mostly people she works with at some law firm with really odd sounding names, come by to discuss things way above my ability to comprehend...except when they praise Coryne for her excellent presentations, research, and the like.

Seems I had a bit of a legal star living inside me.

Have you noticed I wander off the subject a lot? I'm a trailer who was born, created and designed to crave WanderlustIn fact, "Wandering" is my middle name: Beauregard Wandering Trailer at your service, Ma'am. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

Back to Keith, I know he causes Coryne a lot of angst. She spent many a night literally rocking my axles into the ground with her pacings over the man. I was pleasantly surprised that I was still evenly calibrated and my shocks not damaged beyond compare...I may be lit....er, medium, but I'm BUILT!

Thank The stars,


and any

Deity you'd care to mention she finally moved over to the house

the minute enough of it had gone up. I shudder to think how my suspension would be now had she not! I still think that was rather rude of her, though.

She literally ABANDONED me after I had given her the best days of my life! There truly is nothing sadder than an empty Beauregard W. Trailer.

It's really frustrating. I am tossed aside for that overgrown wood pimple and I cannot shed even one tear over my righteous misery. Seems you have to have something called

TEAR DUCTS, and whoever built me, forgot them.

Back to Keith again...Lordy I had no idea how emotional this was going to be. I need a moment here to compose myself before I go on.

Okay, I'm okay...I think. Keith, it always comes back to Keith. Alright, the man works very hard, I'll give him that. He's not one of those bosses who pulls out the lounge chair, plops himself down and JUST oversees the crew. No, he doffs

his hard hat, pitches right in and gets all sweaty. He even removes his shirt, just like everyone else, tossing it onto a nearby tree branch. What a guy!

I watched him on the roof hammering tiles into place with a steady foot and no fear. My trailer ball was in my throat the whole time, I can tell you!

If I were up on that roof, I'd be tossing

my chocks. Don't get me wrong I don't mind heights. Take me to the tip of the mountain

and I will laugh at the altitude, but you gotta keep my spinning tires firmly planted on the stable ground. 

Coryne likes him...Keith I mean, not Larry, or any of the other shirtless dudes. Not that she singles him out or anything. When she hauls out a tray laden with coffee stuff, she brings enough cups and spoons for ALL the guys, not just for Keith.

Keith, though, is the only one who drinks his coffee sitting with Coryne at that table with the brightly colored umbrella. Oh My Goodness! The way Coryne looks at him, like he's a

bowl of sweet chocolate she wants to dive in...but there's also this sadness as if his candy might not be the best thing for her. 

Oh WOW, I gotta go. Today's Keith's last day, and I want to be on the spot to see if Keith and Coryne are finally going to give in to the fire between them.

Thanks Again, Miss Rosalie, really do LOVE your name, for inviting me to spend time with you. It really was fun.

Beauregard W. Trailer has left the building.

I guess we'll all have to buy

Forever With You to learn about Keith and Coryne's fires and what they'll do about it. Do they or don't they? Boy oh boy, what a question.

L.J. Holmes

can be found at The Muse It Up Website
She can also be reached via e-mail Spatzdkat1212@yahoo.com